Diaper Duty

Erin and her son Lincoln

Diaper Duty - Join Erin on the journey of a lifetime.  Along with her first born, Lincoln, (born in 2010), Erin is learning the "art of being a baby mama"




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Welcome a New One to the Mommy Club

Written by Erin Hill. Posted in Diaper Duty

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My friend is having a baby right now – literally. RIGHT NOW!

I can hardly stand it.

I can’t wait for her to have this experience. I can’t wait for her to feel this love.

This morning, I wished her well and told her that I was so excited she gets this gift. A child! A true, true amazing gift.

Us parents, we are so very lucky. We are given something so precious, so incredible that I often wonder how I’m worthy enough to be a mommy. How’d I get this gig? For me, my life the last five years has been nothing short of incredible. So much so that I can’t remember much about the 29 years before it now.

For me, when I was given my babies, I was made. I was me. All of a sudden any doubts I ever had about anything were dead. New doubts come, of course, but I have the confidence that they’re nothing. My kids are everything. Anything else is just there to take my energy and focus from them and that ain’t happening.

I was never one to be a “baby person.” I had no young relatives and most of my friends had their babies with or after me. Before, I knew I wanted kids, but didn’t think about it constantly. I’m still surprised how consumed I am with this motherhood thing.

So, to my friend who’s having her first born NOW:

Welcome to the club! Welcome to this crazy, amazing, insane, wonderful club. I can’t even tell you what you’re in for…

What surprised you about becoming a parent? Was it all you expected? (if you say yes, you’re lying!) What do you feel when a close friend or family member is having their first? (I'm all giddy with excitement!)

 

 

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Obsessions: Do you embrace them or hurry them along?

Written by Erin Hill. Posted in Diaper Duty

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Well it’s happened. I thought we’d skip this. I thought we’d dodged the bullet.

My friends, you see…

the Frozen obsession has hit this house.

I blame my friends (for not warning me)! I blame the daycare (for playing the soundtrack constantly)! I blame myself (for buying the movie he at first wasn’t interested in)! I blame the security in my thought that he’s a boy so he won’t care! WRONG!

It’s all we watch. All…..we….WATCH!

I know all the songs now. I’m not left behind anymore. I’m up on “the thing” with all of you…unless there’s a new thing now.

If there is, don’t tell my son.

Actually, I don’t mind the movie. There have been other obsessions (Power Rangers) that I really could have done without. It’s the songs…

“Do you wanna build a snowmaaaaaan?” runs through my head in a continuous loop when I’m driving to work, when I’m at work, in meetings, talking with my boss and coworkers, driving home, making dinner, etc.

“Do you wanna build a snowmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan?”

Please, help me.

What’s the latest obsession at your house? Is it bothering you or do you embrace it?

Of course, Lincoln can go on as long as he likes with Frozen. My problem? Well, I’ll just have to….

LET IT GOOOOOO. LET IT GOOOOOO.

 

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Good Mother/Bad Wife

Written by Erin Hill. Posted in Diaper Duty

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I recently saw an article/blog post that referred to the thought that being a good mother might make you a bad wife. At least that’s what I took from the title…I did not read the article.

Why? Well, first, I’ve had the idea to write about this for a while so I didn’t want my thoughts and opinions influenced by the author. Second, I didn’t want to agree with her.

I do, though.

I’m an attentive, caring, supportive, loving, fun mother. I’m the opposite and more when I look at myself as a wife.

I’ve struggled for years with the fact that I’m quick tempered, distant, and, honestly, extremely disrespectful to my husband. I am. I know it. I’ve failed him. I’ve become the wife I didn’t want to be.

I’m a terrible wife, and I don’t know how to turn it around.

I love my husband. I mean, I LOOOOOVE him. But, I always put him on the back burner. I never make time for him while on the flip side I constantly make time for my kids and always bend over backwards to put them first.

When I ask myself “why can’t you do that for Adam?” My answer is usually “COME ON! You know I waaaant to, but I’m so tired/lazy/busy/whatever. I’ll do it tomorrow. I promise.”

And, I don’t.

My poor husband.

I can’t put it all on myself.  Sometimes my husband retreats like a third wheel when the kids and I are together. Sometimes he doesn’t put forth the effort. Sometimes I have all the same complaints as most women do about their husbands and get pretty pissed off at him. It’s not all me, but I do need some tweaking.

We were together 10 years before we started having babies. Ten amazing, love-filled years and then it seemed like I could only devote myself to one person at a time and my attention went directly to my first born then stretched to my second, and I feel spent.

Is there a way to be both a good mother AND a good wife? Perhaps not all the time, but most of the time?

I don’t think we’re “in trouble” or anything…just in a sad situation right now.

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I've Done More Than I Thought: A Mother's Small Victory Against Guilt

Written by Erin Hill. Posted in Diaper Duty

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I often give myself a hard time because I think I don’t do enough with my kids. I worry I miss opportunities to fill their childhoods with memories and fun…or something like that.

You know what I’m talking about. You probably do it, too. The guilt you're not giving your kids a proper childhood...ugh.

While thinking about what I wanted to accomplish in 2015, I vowed that I would do more with the kids because (this is what I told myself) we never do anything.

Fast forward to a few hours later when I’m making a photo book for Lincoln’s fifth birthday: I make a book for him every year highlighting the year before and people sign it at his party like a guest book/yearbook kind of thing.

Anyway, I had so many pictures of small trips out of town, our big vacation to Texas, visits with friends, activities around town, baking and cooking adventures at home, game playing, trips to the park, general goofiness, and many more things we’ve done.

I’m so happy to see that we HAVE been doing things – big and small. We’ve been putting the quality in quality time and here I am worried I didn’t give that to them. I DID! YAY ME (and my husband)! GO US!

So, in 2015, when it comes to this topic, I’d like to continue what we’ve been doing.  We’ve got it down so I’m going to worry less about it. Thank God.

Do you have a resolution/goal for your family this year?

I hope you all have wonderful 2015’s with nothing but love, luck, peace…and LESS GUILT!

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Meeting baby's needs brings us both peace

Written by Erin Hill. Posted in Diaper Duty

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Reagan is very different from Lincoln when he was her age. I think.

From what I can remember, Lincoln didn’t fuss, didn’t have separation anxiety, and was fine to play alone while I loaded the dishwasher or got a drink of water.

I may have made that up.

With only one child as my main focus and responsibility, it was easy to switch from one thing to him and back to doing what I was doing. With two, not so much. Reagan seems to be a little more difficult. I expected this. I felt lucky with Lincoln and convinced myself the second, no matter who he or she was, would be terrible because Lincoln was a breeze. I mean, that’s what I deserved. She’s not terrible, but she’s definitely challenging for me sometimes.

Before you get all “OOOooo babies are so hard. Yeah, stupid, it’s a baby,” I will admit I was SPOILED. Lincoln spoiled me. Having one child for four years spoiled me. I got it.

Last week was a difficult one for me. While everyone in my house was sick (including me) and preparing to host Thanksgiving, Reagan decided she would start the “MOMMY-OMG-DON’T-LEAVE-ME-EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR” phase of life. Her constant crying whenever I’d put her down was wearing me down, and I told myself I was failing. I was a terrible mother. I wasn’t spending every minute my baby wanted to be with me WITH her, and I wasn’t “cherishing the moment that will be gone before I know it.” What can I say? I had to stuff a darn turkey! I had to clean up puke (constantly)! I had to pee!

Mid-week I told myself to fix it. After all, the way I was feeling was my fault. I either wasn’t doing what I thought I should be OR I was feeling terrible for no reason. I decided to act as I should and tend to my baby like she wanted – most of the time.

She hung out in her carrier on my chest while I peeled potatoes. She accompanied me in the shower. We sat when she wanted to sit and walked when she wanted to walk. We played. We danced. It was awesome.

While accepting this time in her life and meeting her needs does make everything take longer to do (so much longer) or at times prohibit me from doing anything at all, I know this phase won’t last forever. I’m not a fan of stress, especially unnecessary stress, so when my baby needs me, I’m there. I’m happy to report there’s no crying or self-loathing this week.

 

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