Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep gives parents precious gift

Photographers provide memories for grieving families

Story by Chelsey Engel

After a year of trying to have a baby, Teryn and her husband were ecstatic when they discovered their wish would come true.  For almost twenty-two weeks, Teryn had a normal and healthy pregnancy.  However, after a night of suffering severe contractions, she rushed to the hospital where she unexpectedly gave birth to her stillborn daughter, Analynn.  At that hospital, a photographer provided Teryn and her family with amazing images that will last a lifetime. 

Hundreds of thousands of babies are born every day, bringing endless joy and happiness to families around the globe.  There are many families like Teryn’s, however, who are faced with immeasurable grief and shock when their newborns do not survive or are not expected to live long after birth. Over three billion babies are stillborn every year and more than 400 million never reach twenty-eight days of life, according to the World Health Organization.  Comfort can be brought to these parents in many ways, but one method may be often ignored- taking photographs of their lost children.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep is an organization of volunteer photographers based in Colorado. They donate their time and talent to families who have suffered great losses with either the death of a newborn or the discovery that their child has a terminal illness and will not survive.  These photographers provide a visual memory, as they did for Teryn, that the families can keep for the rest of their lives even when their child is no longer physically with them.

Ginger Hites, one of the 7,000 volunteers worldwide working for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, is the area coordinator for Pittsburgh and began to participate in the organization after a close friend lost two of her children.

“One of her biggest regrets was only having six pictures of her son that the nurses thought to take,” Hites said.  “That seemed like something I could make sure didn’t happen again.”

It was in those lost childrens’ honor that Hites joined the organization in which she takes great pride.

“All of our photographers that I’ve had the pleasure of working with are just fabulous individuals who are willing to give so much of themselves,” Hites said.  “It says so much about the world we live in that there are still people willing to give because they want to.”

Kathleen Miller, the executive director of Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, also has a great appreciation for her volunteers.

“I’m in awe of each one of them,” Miller said.  “They donate considerable time and their talents to these families and provide them with a beautiful gift, free of charge.”

Hites became the area coordinator in February of 2008 and has noticed much growth in the Pittsburgh branch of Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep over the past year and a half.  After her own son spent time in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) in May 2008, Hites saw it as an opportunity to expand the organization’s reach by handing out brochures to the staff while she was in the hospital to spread the word.

“Things started to move more quickly shortly after that,” Hites said.  “Now we have serviced families in every major hospital in Pittsburgh.”

Hites’ experience while in the hospital with her son also gave her a completely different perspective on the organization.

“His lungs were not quite mature yet, and he was diagnosed with pneumonia and spent eight long, agonizing days in Magee’s NICU,” Hites said.  “While he was there, I saw other babies come and go, and it brought a new meaning to my involvement with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep.”

This past summer has been busy for Hites with one hospital alone losing twelve newborns in the month of June.  More recently, Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep came to the aid of local news anchor, Kelly Frey, who gave birth to her son, Bennett, on Sept. 22, 2009.  Bennett was diagnosed early on in the pregnancy with a major brain formation defect, holoprosencephaly, which yields a low survival rate.

Due to the number of families in need, Hites relies on the help of other volunteers.  One of these photographers who Hites believes really stepped up over the past few months to help is Robin Pesa.

Pesa, a retired engineer, is the owner of Busy Bee Boutique Photography in Sewickley, where she and Hites got together to speak about their own experiences working with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep.

Pesa, along with Hites, believes the work they do provides a sense of comfort for the families and helps with the grieving process.

“To be able to come home and see the pictures, they can at least celebrate the life and not only mourn the death,” Pesa said.

Pesa and Hites both agree that photographing the newborns can be extremely difficult at times because they feel like they are intruding.  However, they are always reassured by the families that they are more than welcome.

“You’re the stranger, but it’s like they trust you the most in the situation,” Hites said.  “Often times, I spend hours in the hospital with the families.”

The sessions also provide happy moments for both Pesa and Hites, many involving the siblings of the newborns.

During one photography session, Hites watched a young girl playing with her newborn brother for his first and last moments, slipping a lollipop into his mouth and giggling while the mother looked on with a smile.

“The siblings get to me a lot because it reminds me of my own children,” Hites said. “To watch their little faces and the connections they’ve already formed and the very tender way that even the siblings take care of the babies is just beautiful.”

Hites also learns a lot about people through her work and through the families she has met.

“I had a session today with a teenage girl who was wise beyond her years just from the situation she’d been dealt,” Hites said.  “It’s breathtaking sometimes.”

As area coordinator, Hites often encounters many of these same experiences in dealing with the emotional aspect of the job.

“I do a lot of parent coordinating, especially for those who know ahead of time about their child’s situation,” Hites said.  “It gets emotional because I will walk through the last moments with them.  You have to try to remove yourself, though you can’t fully.”

Other duties as area coordinator include connecting the parents to other families who have experienced the death of a child or who will be experiencing it in the future.  Hites also sends them to the forum on the organization’s Web site to speak with other families and also medical professionals.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep offers many other services to the families.  For example, the photographers provide them with a CD including the images they take of their child.  These images include photographs of the child alone as well as with the families either in the hospital room or at home.  Additionally, there are DVD slide shows available and, more recently, charms and pins are sent along with the images for the parents.

“It’s just something to let them know we were thinking of them,” Hites said.  “Plus, when they see another parent out in public wearing the charms,
they instantly know them.”

Hites and Pesa both strive to provide the best possible experience for the families.  They go above and beyond to make certain they have high quality images that truly reflect what the child looks like and to show every detail of the newborn.

“You remember the child, but you forget what they look like,” Pesa said.
Hites also commented on the importance of the vividness in their photographs.

“The fine details get lost over time,” Hites said.  “I try to get as many details as possible.  I think that helps with the healing process.”

As Hites and Pesa share their experiences and personal thoughts, their faces light up, reflecting the passion they both possess for their work. 
To them, it is not just a job, but a rare opportunity to provide even a little comfort and happiness to families.

“We take this commitment very seriously,”  Hites said.  “This is the only chance these babies have.”

For more information on Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, visit nowilaymedowntosleep.org

Photos by Ginger Hites.  Pictured are Brittney Monroe and Mark McCaa with their Baby "J".