Disparaging Daycare

My 21mo dd has unquestionably THRIVED in part to her great learning/caring environment at daycare.  Sure, I have wished I could be a SAHM but it's not in the budget - and in a way I am thankful for that!  I think that after awhile my daughter would get bored with just seeing me.  She wouldn't have as many friends to play with on a daily basis.  She wouldn't have the time and ability to learn as much about sharing and turn taking.  I think that whatever decision a mom makes is the best decision for her and her family at the time and that none of us should criticize each other for it.  We should be supportive and uplifting.  As the old adage goes....if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.

If I were talking to Dr. Maria and she was discussing the comments she'd been giving... I'd likely tell her that opinions are like noses, we all have them.  If she were staying at home I'm sure she'd hear from someone about how she's throwing her career out the window, or the ever so wonderfully incredulous "oh you don't work?!?"

I probably ask here what center she chose though b/c we had a horrible experience with one.

Danny was watched only by my f-i-l since he was 6wks old, until I Eli came along.  My f-i-l didn't think he'd be able to handle 2 at once.  So we researched our options.  We applied to several centers 6mos or more before having Eli.  Those closer to work and where we were planning to move wait-listed us (Eli just rec'd acceptance at the best one last month).  There was only one center closer to home and we were accepted.  It was not our first choice but "good enough".

Well 6wks into my maternity leave f-i-l was really missing his time with Danny and decided that he'd give a try at watching them 4 days per week.  

So they went to daycare 1 day per week.  I'd never suggest it to anyone.  I think a bare minimum of 3days per wk is needed for kids to adjust to it.  Neither kid would nap there and Danny wouldn't use the potty there (he was poop trained at home). Daycare were his only poopy diapers since he was 24m/o.  That we could handle. The worst thing ever happened on their last day using this center which was the day we moved to squirrel hill.  The boys had missed the prior 2 Fridays due to Danny being too sick.  Eli's last day was so miserable.   I gave them 2 jars of food and 6 bottles, noting his feeding times and that 1 bottle was extra just in case).  I came to pick him up and could hear him screaming from the hallway.  The afternoon staff member noted he'd been crying since she started around 2pm (it was 6pm).  I had been planning to just pack them up in the car and go but when i found 3 bottles in the fridge and one jar of food left I made her wait while I fed him. I made sure she knew that there was no excuse for his not being fed, espcially if he'd been crying for 4 hrs.  I was livid and I spoke at length with the director as well.  This is a well accredited center.  I'll never do center care again if at all possible.

I realize I just had a bad experience with one center.  I'll never forget it though.  It was one day my son (only 6mos old)lived in misery at the hands of supposedly competent adults.  I rest assured knowing that his every day since then has never resulted in neglect of his most basic needs nor of any other kind.  There are plenty of better centers out there for certain. For us we'll stick with our f-i-l manny. We'll use preschool and playdates for socialization.

I agree that daycare centers are definitely needed and can be quite good.  I even worked in a few while in college and see how well cared for the children can be.  I'd never say any of the disparaging comments noted in the article to anyone making that choice.  

But we experienced the dark side.  I'd forwarn anyone wanting to put a baby in that center in particular (ryhmes with fender care and is in the south hills).  The website is full of wonderful comments about the place, but I'll never forget my screaming, hungry, unfed, baby.

My daughter Anna went to daycare from 8 months old to 2.5 years old 5 days a week because we both had to work.  It has been nothing but wonderful for her.  She has learned so much, made tons of friends, loved her teachers, and just thrived from it.  I recently had my second daughter and am staying at home with both of them now. I felt bad about taking her out of daycare all together because of how wonderful it has been from her.  She misses her friends and teachers there.  I do love being at home with her but I do feel that daycare (a good daycare) can be wonderful for kids.  It has been very positive for all of us!!  

For families who CAN afford hiring a nanny - they should do so... of course Im not a fan of daycares as a matter of fact many of the nannies referred by the service started or have had some experience in daycare settings... your going to get what you pay for... the "teachers" as they call them arent getting paid anymore than $7 or $8 an hour... thats not quality - thats desperation... not many who are professional have made a career out of daycare employment.  There is a GREAT deal of turnover in the centers because of the pay.

Heres a little story... a woman came into my office (before I worked from home) and said she wanted to become a nanny... so I asked her what experience she had - her reply was well, Im a Mom - which Im not knocking being a parent but its not "nanny" experience... caring for your own child is different than caring for anothers... anyhow, she just moved to the Pittsburgh (North Hills Area) plus she didnt have any professional experience so I kindly told her... first of all - if she was applying with our service she had to have a FBI Clearance since she was coming from another state... and that I couldnt accept her app because of the lack of pro experience... Not an hour later she stopped by again and told me that she was just HIRED at a daycare - in the North Hills area... and she was to report there the next day... I couldnt believe it - here was a very nice woman - but one who didnt even live here, didnt have clearances - but the daycare center said they would get them for her... it takes weeks to run those checks and get them returned... I'll never forget that day because it bothered me so much - the turnover is so high that here was a woman who walked in unemployed and walked out employed AND coming to work the next day.

Nannies can be expensive but I can guarantee you your child would have the attention and love it deserved...

Another woman told me she was happy because she was told by the "teacher" that her little one who was in the infant room was so good that day - he didnt cry once THEN she was told by the "teacher" I didnt have to pick him up once... but the child in the crib next to him was crying so much I carried him around all day...

This woman realized as she walked out the door of the daycare that her son didnt get any attention because the other child was crying and was held most of the day... this made her think about it - and her gut instinct was her baby didnt get what he needed that day... and probably others too.

Needless to say I have a very happy client/family who hired a wonderful nanny within a week - and the family added onto their little family - the nanny is still there and has activities planned out every day - including playdates with other children - so the interaction is there and the one on one - which is how it should be is there too.

If you can afford private child care - get it - your child should be the most important responsibility you have... wouldnt you feel better knowing he/she was getting ALL the attention he/she deserved every day?

Ive heard some real horror stories from nannies who started off in daycares and when someone who works in private child care wont put their own child in a daycare - theres a good reason.

You dont know whos caring for your child one day to the next in those centers but you do know the applicant you would hire on your own or through an agency such as ours.

The $ is worth peace of mind.

Great one and very informative!! Thanks for the post!! By the way, have you heard of MiNeeds.com?It really simplifies finding affordable nannies. I used it to find them for my children. Essentially after i described what i need on this site, I recieved several competitve bids from local nannies. I liked the fact that I did't have to call around and negotiate with each, and that nannies really came to me.

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