Closing the Baby Factory

  All my life I knew I wanted two kids. Two, no more, no less.  After a painful battle with infertility we have two gorgeous, healthy children. I really couldn't ask for more.  Literally. I don't want more.  Mike and I have always been in agreement that our family is complete.  More than just a silly notion I had as a teenager, the two-kid rule is very practical for us. We have to undergo fertility treatments to have a shot at getting pregnant. And the risk/chance of multiples is very high. It's unusual that we'd end up with a single baby both times. Knowing my luck, I'd try for "just one more" and end up with six (Jon and Kate, anyone?).  That doens't even take into account the financial and emotional toll it takes on us.  And my pregnancy with Ben was very difficult. And I've had a tummy tuck, so there's not really any skin to stretch (not to mention all the money I'd have wasted if I stretch it all back out).

Do I sound like I'm trying to convince you we're done? Or convince myself?

I really, really am happy with two kids. I like even numbers. I like a family of four. I'm excited to go to Disney and each have a partner to ride with. I like that it's just like my family growing up (except for the lack of a girl-child).  I'm not good with the stress of itty bitty babies. We both have busy careers and we really do feel happy, complete, fulfilled.

So why do I ache when I look at baby pictures of the boys? Why do I have a little pang in my heart when I push another woman's stroller?  Why do I breathe in the smell of every newborn I can get my hands on and get tears in my eyes?

How do you know when you're really done? I know, logically, that we're done having kids. It just makes sense.  I don't have any desire to go back and start over.  And I know that even if I did have one more, I'd probably feel those same pangs and sadness when that one started to grow up. You can't just keep having babies forever.  But it's hard to pick up that phone and make that call. To make it final.  I know we'll do it, I know it's right.  So why am I having trouble making the call?

For those of you that made it permanent, how did you know it was the right time? Did you have any cold feet?