Sharing - it is always necessary?

Since you asked . . . . . .  .

When I posted that the boy could share, I meant for a minute or two.  It doesn't mean to let another kid monopolize what is his.  Kids do need to be taught to share and to be good people.  The flipside is that they also need to know that everything they want isn't automatically theirs.  

Case in point, dh and I took the kids to the playground.  There were two older boys, 11-12 maybe, throwing a football back and forth.  Ds just kept running back and forth between the two.  The first thing I did was continue to redirect him away because it wasn't his.  One of the boys offered to let him have a turn.  I let ds have it briefly and then we gave it back.  After that I continued to keep him away.  Why? Because it wasn't his ball.  But it didn't hurt the other kids to let him have a turn.

I guess the sleep deprived point I'm trying to make is that it's not an either/or lesson.  Kids need to be taught both things.

I agree, sharing is a two-way street.  I guess we have been lucky since our children are close in age, so sharing has just been a fact of life for them from day one, so they really don't question it.

However, I think the problem can sometimes lie in this need to make everything "fair" in our children's lives.  I think we do a disservice to our children if we buffer them all the time.  Life isn't fair, and I want my children to grow up understanding that and able to deal with it in an appropriate and responsible way.

But I do agree with the first comment in that we need to teach how to share nicely and how to behave when sharing isn't an option.

I think if you take your new toy out in public, it has to be shared.  Imagine the perspective of a 2-6 year old; they really don't grasp why they must share, they just see a new toy, they just want it, whether it is theirs or not.  Why bring on frustration, tantrums?  At home it's all yours, away, it's up for grabs for everyone to try it and have a chance.

Why would a parent let their child bring a new toy to a group of kids and expect everyone their to be happy about seeing this great toy but not being allowed to play with it, I believe these parents are being rude to the other families.  As an adult, think how hard it would be if your friends never let you touch their new toys, only look and admire!: a new digital camera, new car, golf clubs, iphone, computer.

I believe it is our job to teach our kids to be polite and yes to share, even when they don't want to.  And not all kids are taught to share, so when they see something they want and it does not belong to them, I make them ask if they can play with it first and if the other child isn't sharing that day, I use that to teach my kids that other people don't always do things we want them to do.  We don't always get what we want!  I think it teaches them self discipline and control.  Just my opinion!

I really see both sides of the story.  My DD is 2 1/2 and my son is 9 months and he is just starting to get around and follow his big Sis everywhere.  He wants everything that is hers and we try and make her give it up if he wants it to teach sharing. But, she has those little stickers with her name on them and I think that I want her to put her stickers on a few toys that brother will not be allowed to touch.  I do think some things are sacred - even to little kids.  On the other side of the coin, the sharing arguement is obvious because things go smoother when kids share.  

As for the ball incident, maybe the dad was just a goofball and didn't want your son to play with it or, maybe he knows his son wouldn't play without a little coaxing and the new shiny ball did just the trick.  

Sharing is a big topic at our house lately.  Someone mentioned that they thought Danny should have his own place to play lego trains where Eli could not wreck the tracks but the result really would be that Eli can't play with the trains at all either.   Eli is at about 50/50 when it comes to destruction these days and 1/2 the train stuff is "technically" his but 1/2 isn't enough for either kid to really build anything. And it's such a developmentally important toy and I've seen such progress with Eli with building. it's one of those toys that is a tweener, ie great for a 2 and a 4y/o developmentally. So sharing is mandatory with that.  

That's pretty much how I see things though.  I firmly believe that kids should have a few things they do not have to share.  Something that is theirs and theirs alone.  With our kids at their ages it's lovies.  later on maybe they'll have a special toy or game.  Right now Danny even has a toy that's not appropriate for Eli, and it's in a place Eli doesn't play.  so hopefully that will work.

In public I'm all for sharing and encourage my kids to share.  I'm not militant about it though.  Though if I know there is a toy they won't share, it doens't come with us in public or it's put away when friends and neighbors come over to play.

My mom taught us that if it wasn't in our own room it was community property.  I also do the same thing she would, I give group gifts.  Games are a family gift, not an individual child's gift.  Trains and blocks are the same way.  Later on when kids are older...Talk about a great way to keep the downstairs picked up and toy free LOL...we had most of our toys stashed away in our rooms like little hoarders.