Four years of mothering

  Today is Matthew's birthday.  Four years ago today my world changed forever - I became a mother.  I remember that day like it was yesterday, my water breaking at Rock Bottom in the Waterfront, followed by 24 hours of uneventful non-labor and then 30 minutes of crazy-fast pain and pushing and wala! I was a mother, suddenly responsible for this little tiny being. My child.  Something I'd longed for and worked so hard to achieve.  Those months of fertility treatments, of shots in my stomach and daily 45-minute drives to Wexford had all paid off, I had my child.

And in four years I've grown so much as a mother. I am no longer that nervous, anxious, emotional nutcase I was in the days following Matthew's birth. Now I'm laid back, confident, and often still a nutcase (but for totally different reasons)

I'd like to think I've done a good job so far.  No broken bones. We've never lost him for more than 10 minutes (there was that scary time at the rest stop but otherwise we've been good)  :)  and he's a happy, healthy, well-adjusted little man. A little man whom I love more than life itself.  I would lay down on the tracks for that boy.

While Ben is my little spitfire and so full of personality, Matthew is my soul.  He is so much like me it's amazing.  He's got the sensitive heart, the sense of humor and the need to be loved by everyone (i.e. future self-esteem problems?) that I have.  When people ask me about the boys' personalities I usually chalk Matthew up to "the sensitive one".  He gives hugs and kisses freely, he cries when you're mad at him, he needs lots of TLC when he gets a scrape.  But he's turning into such a little boys' boy, too. He loves to say "Dude!" and thinks farts are funny.  He's fantastic, just simply fantastic.

So Happy Birthday to my baby, and Happy Mothering-aversary to me.  Four years, wow!  And now the real work begins.

Last night Mike and I were commenting that our earliest memories begin around four, so anything we've done to Matthew up until this point will be forgotten.  It's now that matters. Now he will say "I remember that time when I was four and you dropped me on my head" or "I remember that time when I was four and you gave Ben a present and I did't get one". 

Everything we do now has the potential to lend him in professional care as an adult.  Now the therapy clock starts ticking. We better be careful.  :)