Disciplining other people's children

I pretty much do what you do, Heather. At a mall play area, I watched some kid kick my kid, but not hard. My daughter told him to stop, and he would for a little bit. After about the third time, I went up to the kid and very loudly said, "Stop kicking her!" I was hoping the dad, who was yapping on his cell phone the entire time, would hear me sternly talking to his kid. But he either did not, or he chose to ignore me.

At a b'day party, a girl grabbed the card my daugther got for the b'day boy and this girl read it and would not let my daughter show the b'day boy the card. My daughter kept asking the girl for it, so she could show the boy the pic she drew, but the girl would not let her have it. When my daughter was done crying, I took her up the boy so she could show him the pic she drew. My hubby said I should have said something to the girl or her mom (who missed the incident), but I felt it was minor enough to let go, and I won't always be there to fight her battles.

I tell my daughter if someone says something mean to her or touches her (kick, push, etc.), to tell that person to stop. If they keep doing it, then I tell her to tell me. Now if someone really hurt her and the parent let it go, I would probably step in right away.

All that said, I am amazed at the parents who completely ignore their kids in these play areas. I have seen parents drop their kids off, even though the signs say kids must be supervised. Once, I saw a mom leave her daughter who appeared to be less than 2, while the mom looked at shoes at a nearby store. I was so angry, I wanted to call the police.

I'm pretty much in agreement.

For me first and foremost I only observe...unless the child is clearly MUCH older and/or doing something that could cause immediate serious harm (pushing on stairs, slides, etc).  The last time we were at a McD's play area there was a 9 or 10Y/O in the tunnel (by a window area thankfully) who wouldn't let my 2y/o go down the slide.  It only caught my attention when my 2y/o screamed.  You know how they are up there in those tunnels and you just don't know what is going on...but it was definitely you child.  He came down the stairs and wouldn't even go up in the tunnel after the boy was made to get down.  I don't regret yelling up to the boy to stop it right away, let the others kids go, and get down right now.  I was super happy when his mom came over and made him get down and stay in the older kid area.  Eventually Eli went back up there but ugggh.

Handling it on their own, I  tell my 4y/o to tell the kid to stop;  if the kid doesn't stop that to play elsewhere with someone else; and if the child follows him and still won't stop to get help from one of us.  I don't recall discussing this with my 2.5y/o.  But lately he is VERY vocal when another child's actions (no matter the age) displeases him eg, 'NO NO NO...you NO Hit Eli!!!...or you NO say dat to Eli!!!!!"  It makes my husband and I laugh, though we make sure he doesn't see it. He's so loud and serious sounding, and so far it's worked for him.

Also with our youngest lately, it is more often us telling him to play nice rather than protecting him from others.  Though,

I am more protective of my 2y/o b/c of his point in development, even though he's really talking more and well understood more and more...it's just instinct to want to protect the baby I guess.

I did once intervene when my older son was mean to a boy.  After the boy left pouting, I asked Danny what happened.  Apparently the boy couldn't chase him fast enough and he wasn't having fun, so he told the boy they couldn't be friends anymore.  I did talk to him about sometimes playing something your friend is good at or something your friend likes to play is just what good friends do, or just accepting them for whatever speed they are.  5 minutes later he told the boy he was wrong and he was sorry and hoped they could be friends again if the boy wanted to.  Later I asked Danny if he noticed how happy the boy's face looked when he was nice vs. how sad it looked when he had been mean.  I've done my fair share of intervening with my own kids' behaviors.  Wish everyone didn't just turn a blind eye at the play areas....for this age group at least.

In the few interactions I've had with stranger's kids, I usually remove my child from the situation and explain to them how the other child was acting badly, and it is not nice to play that way.

There is one girl at my daughter's day care that does not mix well with my daughter, but they are unexplainably attracted to each other.  The other mother things the two are best friends - I tell my daughter to stay away from the other girl.  But one day when I dropped my daughter off at day care, the girl said something not nice, and I quickly scolded her and said to apologize.  Fortunately, had the teacher heard it, she would have done the same thing.  But I would not let me daughter speak to her in that manner either and hope someone would correct her as well.

My issue with disciplining other people's kids is my friend's kids.  They can be hell on wheels and generally leave a path of destruction behind them for me to clean.  They have little respect for other people's things, and generally, for their own things.  I constantly am trying to find the balance of discipline versus a nice reminder that we don't play that way in our house.  My dh often says I'm more on the discipline side and I should leave that to their mother who clearly thinks how they act is OK.  I've have recently found myself not wanting to have our friends over because I can't deal with the kids.  I know it is terrible.

This is trully a particularly difficult dilema. In cases like daycares or working for a daycare it is a daily encounter that can become the point of conflict especially if there is a child that has exibited behavioral and social problems which would require parental attention and discipline. In my experience, attempts to disclipline other peoples children can prove futile especially if there was no previous parental consent or the problem is somewhat of a sore subject for parents. You would be surprised at the responses you can get especially if the parents are aware that their child has behavioral issues but refuse to accept it and try to pass it off as a normal stage in their kids development.