For days I've been brainstorming ideas for my first blog here on Pittsburgh Mom. I had a lot of ideas, lots of plans, but when I looked down this morning at my shoe situation, I realized, once again, in this new life, the life of a new mom, nothing goes according to the plan.
Pre-baby Erin had it all together. Her schedule was tight, but it was a schedule stuck to through and through. She had time for her husband, friends, family, pets and herself. She watched a lot of TV and movies, kept up on her magazine reading habit, had as clean a house as she could, and was on-the-ball at work. She was doing well cruising along, but, boy, was she stupid to think she could keep this strict schedule and momentum when a baby came along.
What I am today as Lincoln's mom is not the same person. I’m a tight bundle of nerves, which I'm slowly working to unravel, who has to "go with the flow" as those relaxed people say. Only four and a half months into my new gig, pre-baby Erin is still around screaming at me when things don't go the way they're "supposed to." For example, she yelled at me at the Shadyside Arts Festival this weekend for not organizing the diaper bag more efficiently so I could have seen there was no sunscreen in there. She made me worry about Lincoln's exposed, porcelain baby skin as we walked the few blocks to the drug store for a replacement. Then, she gave me crap about not thinking ahead and even ruined the first few hours of the day for my husband. She was out of control!
There are plenty of opportunities for pre-baby Erin to come out of hiding and scold me so I'm constantly thinking and re-thinking and waiting for her to pop up and get me. She warns me if I don't do A, B and C between 9 and 10 p.m., it'll just ruin the next day for everyone. She tells me if I don't do the laundry like I planned and take Lincoln for a walk instead, we'll have to all wear leaves and mud the next day because there won't be any clothes anywhere for us to wear. She's very strict about Lincoln's bathing schedule and reminds me if he misses a bath, everyone at the daycare will report me and his dirty butt. She's got to be stopped.
I'm trying to keep in mind that, with all that gets rearranged or tossed out, one plan is still on track. I planned to be Lincoln's mom. Every morning I plan for him to have the best day he can. If all my other plans implode, it's because Lincoln needed something better and it was done.
One brown shoe, one black shoe, no makeup, late, whatever...I don't care. My plan is and always will be for Linc (and the other kids that may come along) to have the best life and all other plans can just adjust to that. So, stick it, pre-baby Erin. I plan for you to be gone ASAP.